becoming a self in history, becoming a self in my street

Carol Caldwell

As a child I was always given the message that I was too sensitive. This meant that I felt that my reactions and feelings about life were not what they should be. In response to this I built up layers of protection to guard who I really was. This combination of feeling judged and protecting myself meant I had very little confidence. As a result I often didn’t speak when I wanted to. Recently, however, I had a strange experience. I found myself having a very vivid imagination. In it I was standing in front of myself as a child with my arm extended in a gesture of protection. The child was saying, ‘how do you know who I am or what I feel?’ I don’t know why I revisited that little person who was me nor what made me have this vivid picture, but I now feel a beginning sense of being able to speak more and to say who I am.